1. Sandwiches don’t talk about you behind your back. They don’t even secretly think bad things about you. The truth is, they have no secrets or thoughts.

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LexnGer / Via flic.kr

2. People get mad at you when you put melted cheese on them. Sandwiches don’t.

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I Believe I Can Fry / Via flic.kr

3. Not one sandwich has ever bought the same dress as you and then been dismissive when you were clearly upset about it.

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Robyn Lee / Via flic.kr

4. Remember that time a sandwich made you go out to fratty bars in the East Village? You probably don’t, because it never happened.

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Doran / Via flic.kr

5. Whether or not you decide to grill a sandwich, at least you have the choice. With humans, there is no choice.

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Jennifer / Via flic.kr

6. When sandwiches are apolitical, it’s not obnoxious. When humans are apolitical, it always is.

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Eric Hossinger / Via flic.kr

7. (There are no documented instances of libertarian sandwiches.)

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Paul Rysz / Via flic.kr

8. Sandwiches don’t have boyfriends they make you hang out with.

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Molley Elliot / Via flic.kr

9. Sandwiches might not remember your birthday, but that’s because they’re inanimate.

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Luigi Anzivino / Via flic.kr

10. Sandwiches never enter the subway car before everyone’s gotten off.

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wEnDy / Via flic.kr

11. A sandwich will watch Scandal with you all night even if it’s not trying to hit it…

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bolbolaan / Via flic.kr

12. It takes up the perfect amount of space in bed, and doesn’t breathe like a gross old man, and is not hairy.

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Alpha / Via flic.kr

13. When you sleep with a sandwich, you have a convenient snack for proto-breakfast, everyone’s favorite middle-of-the-night meal. If you sleep with a human, you have to climb over it and journey to the kitchen to prepare something, and who has the time?

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Yesica / Via flic.kr

14. The more sandwiches at the party, the more fun everyone has.

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Robyn Lee / Via flic.kr

15. Even boring sandwiches are still thrilling to be around.

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Pen Waggener / Via flic.kr

16. Because they never tell you about their weird dreams or try to get you to listen to their podcast.

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Young Sok Yun / Via flic.kr

Thank you, sandwiches. Thank you.

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