1. Your ability to carry so many things in one hand is unmatched.
2. You clear plates at a dinner party without even thinking about it.
3. Your reflexes are SCARY quick.
4. And your balance is impeccable.
5. You still eat meals like there might be a table (angrily) waiting for their check at any moment.
6. You’ve critiqued a restaurant’s setup or your service when out to dinner with friends, in strangely specific ways.
“Carpeting? In a DINING ROOM?”
7. But you’ll still never tip less than 20%.
8. Speaking of tips, you can calculate the appropriate amount in seconds.
9. You are horrified whenever someone you’re eating with snaps at the server, asks to switch tables, makes a joke about how much they hated the food, or commits any other familiar dining crimes.
10. And you stack all of your used plates and utensils into one easily grabbed pile.
11. You’re amazing at small talk.
And fake laughs.
12. You can slice lemons like a pro.
13. You can drink anyone under the table.
14. You feel a definite sense of superiority whenever anyone in your current non-food service job talks about being busy.
Talk to me when you’ve had to get drinks for four people, orders on two tables, and a check for one couple in 10 minutes.
15. You still stockpile pens like they’re bottles of water in an impending apocalypse.
16. Full sections and never-ending receipts pop up in your nightmares.
17. You tend to (loudly and sometimes abruptly) warn people if you’re behind them.
18. You’ve got a million of these hiding in your home, your car, maybe even still your purse.
19. And if anyone is struggling to open a bottle of wine, you know it is your time to SHINE.
20. You feel best when your wallet is filled with crinkled ones.
21. You’re never completely stressed about the job market, because you know you could always find a restaurant gig.
And would probably make more money than you’re making now, if we’re being honest.