We gathered a group of six guys to see if they had any good solutions to age-old girl annoyances. Here’s what they came up with.
Your solutions specialists are:
Ari (32), Justin (29), Patrick (28), Chris (22), Ben (27) and Kirk (29).
Ari: Use your human fingers to get your hair out of your face.
Chris: Use your lip gloss to add accents to the entire hair strand and insist everyone call you Kesha.
Kirk: Add more hair and pretend like it’s a thing.
Chris: You’d better get out there and catch them ha ha ha.
Justin: Sew them back up, I guess.
Ari: Super glue.
Patrick: How expensive is pantyhose?
Kirk: Aren’t you supposed to put nail polish remover on it or something?
Ben: Literally have no idea what that means.
Ari: Put sponges under them, like those things you put on car safety belts.
Chris: Find a trash can, soak the bra in nail polish remover, set fire to it while screaming “EQUALITY NOW!” until the fire’s out, then go to your local brassiere retailer and find one that fits, like, with adjustable straps and the whole nine.
Ben: You mean like you just outgrew the bra? Can you just buy another bigger one?
Kirk: Yeah, stop wearing that bra.
Patrick: Keep them all on your wrist. All of them, all the time.
Justin: If you’re at home… get down on the floor, and I promise there is one within four feet of you at all times.
Ari: Look under the sink. You won’t find hair ties but you will find cockroaches. Suddenly your missing hair ties don’t seem like such a problem anymore.
Kirk: Staples? Staple your hair back.
Ben: It’s in the bathroom.
Ari: What are you, a Chinese empress? Wait for them to dry!
Kirk: Paint your nails while you’re sitting on the toilet.
Justin: How about you just act like a sophisticated human being, and use a couple of pairs of tongs to pull your pants down and back up again.
Chris: My understanding of the female anatomy is that you should prioritize the peeing process, since it could lead to physical implosion, whereas smeared nail polish might only lead to PTSD.
Kirk: Go with your best friend to the bathroom and have them undress you.
Ari: Again, I feel like paper towel or sponge could solve this problem.
Kirk: I mean, just don’t wear that bra.
Ari: Or go back to the bra that’s too tight.
Justin: How about tape, can you duct tape it? Or staple the cups so they fit better.
Ari: Fill two small plastic bags with rice. Add or subtract the amount of rice as necessary and slide the bags into the bra.
Chris: Do that, but with wet sand, or flour.
Patrick: Stuff your bra with baguettes!
Ben: Drink a lot of water.
Patrick: I’ve dealt with this. Take two car keys and put them together. They work like tweezers. I can show you.
Ari: I was going to say car keys too. Take your car keys, get in your car, go to the shop, and buy some damn tweezers.
Justin: Or just find some solace in the fact that nobody is going to notice that extra eyebrow hair.
Kirk: Pull them out with your hands. Ask your friend for tweezers. Accept it?
Ari: Sew pennies into the bottom of your skirt. Or fishing line weights.
Justin: Or take some invisible fishing line and tie the bottom of your skirt to your shoes with it.
Ari: Car keys also work in this situation. Sew them into the hem of your skirt. That way you’ll always have them.
Chris: Where do you even buy explosive skirts and why would wind activate them, that is dumb.
Kirk: Wow, that sucks. So you have to pee naked?
Patrick: Let’s design rompers that are like long johns that have buttons in the back.
Justin: Just pull the short bit across and pee through there. Maybe get a funnel?
Ari: Actually pee in your romper. Just get yourself completely soaked and it will look like you fell in a pond.
Chris: Use scissors to cut your way out.
Ben: What the hell is a romper?
Ari: Be drunk and you won’t even notice.
Chris: Don’t they always take their heels off and run in commercials?
Justin: Get those tennis shoes with high heels built into them.
Chris: Also aren’t there those, like, foldable flats for your purse? I own three.
Ben: Could you break off the heels for both feet?
Patrick: Wear thick Mr. T-like gold chains that won’t tangle.
Ari: I know! You loop it through a straw! I saw that on BuzzFeed.
Chris: Go to your local hardware store if you don’t have a drill and coffee cup holders or similarly miniature hooks. Pre-drill with your smallest bit, presumably about a 1/16th-incher, which should help a little with drywall and definitely wood, then screw in said miniature hooks (unless there’s too much resistance, then jump to the ol’ 5/64th bit, amirite, ladies!?!?!) and hang your new tangle-free necklaces.
Ben: Buy less jewelry. Remember, it takes *puts on sunglasses* two to tangle.
Justin: Wear sunglasses.
Patrick: Tattoo your eyelashes black? I know that’s a thing, I heard you can do that.
Chris: Smear it on your cheekbones and pretend you were playing football.
Ben: Wear fake raccoon ears. Complete the look.