1. Tilda Swinton, known cool person and possible clone of David Bowie, appeared at the 2014 Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences Governor’s Ball looking like this:
2. Usually known for her sleek style and the ability to make vampires seem cool again, we were curious and confused and concerned about what’s happening up there.
3. So, we have a few questions for her…
1. What is it?
2. Is it an animal?
3. Are you allowed to bring animals on the red carpet?
4. Is it hurting you?
5. Do you need our help?
6. Is it even attached to you at all?
7. Does it come with its own rules?
8. Have you named it?
9. Can we help you name it?
10. What about Kevin?
11. Has anyone tried to flip you upside down and mop their parquet?
12. This is for a role, right?
13. Like that time you had long hair and we didn’t even recognize you?
14. Did you need to be a few inches taller to ride or something?
15. Are you as conflicted about this as we are?
16. Are we even supposed to ‘get’ it or is that too gauche?
17. Is this some kind of theoretical embodiment of the clash between consumer culture and the expression of artistic creativity through consumable style choices?
18. Can you at least tell us if we’re supposed to love it or hate it?
19. How do we make our hair do this?
20. Hold on. Is that a tiny mullet in the back??
21. Wait, are you laughing at us now?
22. Are you going to explain everything or do we have to wait ‘til it comes to Netflix?
23. Are you hiding something in there?
24. Can we have some of it?
25. Where are you going?